The other day at work, Boss called me “The Queen of Kongs,” which I really liked because it recognized my obsessive kong-stuffing in a positive light, and also I felt it was a nod to King Kong, which is the second best ape-run-amok movie ever made (Dunston Checks In is the first, if you were wondering)(we both know you were).
I’d like to tell you something about Scooter, which you may not realize - he’s super obnoxious when he’s bored. Shocking, I know, that a dog that barks like it’s his job and has temper tantrums if I won’t feed him what I’m eating would act out when bored. I’ll let you in on another secret - he’s not the only dog who acts out when bored.
I'm sad because of my own naughty behavior.
Dogs can’t just say “Hey, excuse me human mother, I’m bored. I would like an activity please.” So they try to get your attention in ways that they know work - such as barking - or they find things to do to occupy themselves - such as chewing things up. Or barking. There will be a future blog post on this as well, but this is when you have to be proactive, because if you're reactive here, you teach your dog that being again in the ass will get you attention. Dogs are brilliant. They are learning every moment. Make sure you are aware of what you are teaching them, and don't teach them stuff that fucks up your peace and quiet.
And even though I’m an amazing mother and Scooter is a prince among puppies and I’m happy to make him the center of my world, there are times when I just need 10 minutes of solitude and quiet. Like Jesus Christ, just 10 minutes.
I accomplish this by giving Scooter a stuffed Kong. Kongs are those red rubber dog toys that one could charitably say are snowman shaped. Less charitably, hey did you know there’s a web site called dog toy or sex toy? It’s hilarious. Kongs fit right in.
So anyway, you take the Kong and fill it with yummies, and then give it to the dog to get the yummies out of. It keeps them busy and quiet, they dog is happy to be eating treats, and it makes them think and works their brain, which makes them tired, which means you get BONUS peace and quiet when they rest after they finish.
The reason I’m the Queen of Kongs has nothing to do with butt plugs, and everything to do with finding new fun things to stuff the kong with.
Our current favorite is dehydrated lamb lung - just a couple pieces, and make sure they’re bigger than the opening so your dog will really have to work to get them out. You can squeeze the Kong to make the opening oblong and put bigger pieces in that way.
Slightly more difficult than that, is putting in big pieces of lamb lung, then filling the remaining spaces with peas and carrots, which Scooter loves for some unknown reason. I then glue the opening with a small blob of peanut butter.
I can make that even more challenging by then freezing it to make the peanut butter solid so he has to work to eat it.
You can really fill the Kongs with anything. For beginner dogs, you can just put their kibble in there, so when they roll it around, kibble comes out. You can feed all meals from a kong if you want to.
In summer, we like to make cooling Kongsicles by mixing kibble with something soft and moist like canned food, or canned pumpkin, or yogurt, then freezing it. It takes quite a while to get all the food out. You can also just coat the inside with peanut butter and freeze it.
Don’t start too difficult or your dog will give up. At first, they need to get rewarded early and often. That’s why kibble is such a good starting point. It just falls right out, and it teaches them that it’s worth the effort to mess with their Kongs. When you move up to more difficult things, like treats that are bigger than the opening, you can add some small treats in there so they will fall out easily and convince your dog to keep working.
Once he gets it all figured out, though, you can make it as difficult as you want. I have no idea how Scooter gets some of the stuff out of the kongs. I swear some of the ones I make him are actually impossible. But he does it. Dogs are miraculous when it comes to getting to food. I guess whatever magic allows wolves to get marrow out of long slender deer bones allows Scooter to get big chunks of frozen venison out of his kong.
You can also boil chicken and rice and put in the kongs and freeze them. The sky is the limit. Anything that is safe for a dog to eat can be crammed into a kong. We're fond of quinoa and mashed bananas.
When I tell people all this, I feel like I lose them right around “boil chicken and rice.” That sounds like a lot of time and effort, right? And if you’re going to freeze them, you have to plan and prepare them in advance.
Do it anyway. I’m serious. It is a time investment, but how much time do you spend wishing your dog would settle down in the evenings? Is it a non-negligible amount of time? If so, just allot that time to preparing Kongs. Give the kong to your dog before they start acting up from boredom. You’ll be spending the same amount of time, just using it to prep kongs instead of to fuss at your dog, which I feel is a much better use of time.
I could say more. I could go on endlessly about Kong. I am their queen. I could write pages about how for shy or abused dogs, solving food puzzles gives them something to feel successful at and builds their confidence. I could write about other great food puzzles (My other favorite is The Pickle).
Scooter's not spoiled. Your mom is spoiled.
Instead I’ll just say the most important thing, which is that you can throw those bad boys in the dishwasher so they don’t make any extra dish washing work for you, and leave it at that.
Also I now have "Kong butt plug" in my google search history. What a time to be alive.
